Animated Atrocities 93/Transcript
Holy... holy mother of God. What the hell is this? I knew that this show was bad, but I did not know that it was this bad. Ladies and gentlemen, My Life Me. This show is, well, it's an utter trainwreck. Absolutely nothing about this show is salvageable in any way whatsoever. Let's start with the most obvious fact: it's an anime that was not made in Japan. And the shows in that category tend to be very, very bad. On top of that, this is a collaboration between 3 parties: across France and Canada. And, just from the outset, I can tell you that there were definitely communication issues. I don't even know where to begin with this show, there's just so much wrong with it. The plot we're given in this particular episode, is so batshit insane and incoherent, that I don't know if my traditional approach could work here. So, let's start with the, uh, animation: BURN IT! BURN IT WITH FIRE!! What we have here is the latest graduate of the Johnny Test Flash School of Not Giving A Fuck. There are animation errors, like, all over the place. If I had time to go into that, I would. But with so much wrong with the show, we don't have the time to go through that. The animation is incredibly stilted. And yes, that's bad production, and not just low production budget. You know how the Teen Titans would occasionally use chibi designs and stock anime expressions? Well let's just do that all the fucking time! literally no reason for her to be chibi here. Every expression is stock, and they reuse it multiple times, like a 12-year old tracing from a make your own manga book. Like, I get that I just more-or-less described the main character, but stylistic suck very rarely works, when it's your entire project. And even then, if you don't put a lot of thought and variation in it, it looks really lazy! Scratch that, it is really lazy! These random anime effects are used, like, every 30 seconds. They don't add to the style because the animation is too cheap to look like manga, or anime for that matter. Also, when the characters go chibi, for some reason they decided to pitch up the voices. And the voices are hard enough to listen to on their own. The voice acting is... not great. Amelia: 'Don't tell me. You've decided to try out for The Cosmonets? '''Sandra: 'a backflip Yep! Yes I am! For what it's worth, it doesn't make me want to shove a screwdriver in my ears. I don't know if that's saying much though because the characters are awful! I don't mean they do horrible things, I mean I don't know who any of these people are! What they're interested in or why they're doing what they're doing! According to Wikipedia, the black-haired girl is Birch, the other girl is Sandra, the nerd guy is Liam, and the other one is Rafi. I don't care. If you have any alcohol, I suggest getting it on standby. Because, we're about to slice into the story, which I can only describe as somewhere between Over Two Rainbows and Planet Sheen. We start with our 4 stalwart protagonists playing a game of soccer, when they notice a guy creepily close to the cheerleaders. 'Sandra: '''Fascinating, huh? It's not exactly a sport, but I guess it gives them a reason to breathe. Suggest that cheerleading is not a sport to any actual cheerleader and you will get hurt. '''Amelia: '''Keep your focus! Ignore that jealous wannabe over there. Hey, look at us! We don't have to animate lip motion! When is that ever excusable? I mean, I'd kind of understand it if you were saving up money for something fantastic, but if that was the case, you have failed. Also for some reason, there are very few focus shots; making actual dialogue scenes very crowded. '''Sandra: '''I dream of having my own pom-poms... As if! Because all cheerleaders have supersonic hearing! '''Amelia: '''I think you couldn't handle being a cheerleader. For one thing, you have to be cheerful. Counter-argument: every movie about cheerleading ever made! Oh yeah, that's another thing: they use these random fucking assets for transitions. Why do you do that? Anime doesn't do that. Manga doesn't do that. What-what's wrong with the traditional fade to black? So other girl says she can't stand the cheerleaders' attitudes, while manga girl says that that's what cheerleaders do. Yay for stereotypes! '''Sandra: '''Tomorrow I'm signing up for cheerleading. chuckles I'll take over the team and destroy her cheery, little world! And then you'll take over the world. Oh, so she's like Misty with absolutely everything likeable removed. '''Amelia: '''Don't tell me. You've decided to try out for The Cosmonets? I swear that voice actor was falling asleep. '''Announcer: '''Time to leap into an unlimited action! '''Sandra: '''Yep! Yes I am! Oh, so that's how people become good athletes: they pull talent out of their asses! So initiation, really painful stock expressions, and-- '''Birch: 'shocked I thought she was joking! About what? She never told you anything; she told Guy Number 2. You had left the table already! 'Birch: '''They've brainwashed her. I can't leave her like this. We have to find the way of showing her how ridiculous this all is! Walking into a room wearing a cheerleader's uniform? We cut to later, out in the fields, where things then get ridiculous. '''Amelia: '''Let's start with a lioness. '''Sandra: 'roars 'Amelia: '''You've got to focus. Let yourself go. We're all artists here. Wait. I'm confused. Why was the cheer captain perfectly okay to let other girl eat with them, if she's planning on ruining her and making her do bizarre animal imitations in private? And only other girl's actual friends are recording? Like, what? '''Amelia: '''Good! Now do an eagle. '''Sandra: 'imitating an eagle Well, I think it's about time to get drunk. More drunk. 'Amelia: '''Now do the chimpanzee. Hahaha, I've gotta get my mind out of the gutter. '''Liam: '''It's worse than we thought! snickering But look at her groom Alexia! Oh God! Bad images in my brain! '''Sandra: '''But really... '''Birch: '''You are not! Those cheering lunatics have exausted you! jumpcut They've drained your brain of reason! If you're trying to do the cult plot, you missed a few dozen crucial steps. '''Sandra: '''But I really want to be exactly like them. And if that's brainless, that's okay. jumpcut No Birch, they're my people. I don't get it. Why is she okay with these cheerleaders despite joining the squad to spite them, and them treating her like an idiot? If it's her plan to ruin them, why is she okay with them treating her like an idiot? '''Rafi: '''Why don't you just tell them you're doing this to ruin Amelia's life? '''Sandra: 'devilish No way, their ? is hilarious! Okay, I do not understand a single word that that she said. Voice actors have this cool new thing: it's called takes! You can have more than one. Also, sound editors have this fancy new tool: it's called editing! You can use that too. I'm sure there's a fairly good reason that she's not telling her friends of her clever plan, even though that's kind of a dick move and she's doing the exact same thing to them as this person she does not like. '''Amelia: '''It's time to choose. Who's it gonna be, us or them? Going over to the dark side cliche. Check. Why the fuck is that even here? I'm pretty sure I've seen that in multiple unpopular ? cheerleader stories. '''Amelia: '''You're almost one of us now! '''Boy: off crying The fuck, man? It's lipstick. Number one, I'm fairly sure you don't know her, or anything about her. And 2, it's not like she pulled out a knife or a portable bomb. Hell, she's not even going to make you wear it. And you've been fawning over these cheerleaders the entire episode in a creepy fashion; I think you would have seen this before. Or at least seen this coming. Rafi: 'Nice one! Make over under dress! Someone help me: is that a phrase in Canada? Or France? Or Japan? Or fucking anywhere? The moon? Because it sounds like they tried to make a pun, but couldn't be bothered to think it all the way through. '''Sandra: '''Look, I've got them where I need them. My plan is unfolding perfectly. grins I barely watch anime, and I know that the anger thing never goes on the fist; it always goes on the forehead. If you're making imitation anime, you should know how to use the cliches of anime. I know I've already talked about this, but the expressions are really fucking lazy. In a Flash library, you can reuse these assets over and over again. You notice how these eyes don't have eye color? Want surprise? Just drag and drop this fucking expression! Want disgust? Just drag and drop these fucking lines! My Life Me, you are ''lazier than Johnny Test! 'Amelia: '''Let's start with the backflip. It's easy. '''Sandra: 'nervous Why are you nervous? Don't you remember what you did yesterday? And if I'm not mistaken, aren't you already in the cheerleaders? This is initiation, right? Initiation of anything comes after the recruit has already been accepted, and you would have already done this shit. 'Announcer: '''When I could just move my hands I might be able to break impending- bang And again, the anger is on the knuckle. For the record, this show was not anyone's first try: a storyboard artist from ''Duckman directed the show; one of the creators makes manga for a living! '' '''Soccer Captain: '''You and The Cosmonets have a new star. Who-who the fuck are you? What the fuck? She's clearly in pain and uncomfortable, and you go and hug her. That tends to put injured people in more pain. '''Soccer Captain: '''I hope you'll be better in time to cheer us on at the next game. Okay, that sounds like a threat. And suddenly this guy's gotten very creepy: he grabs an injured girl, holds her close, and whispers in her ear, telling her exactly what he wants. Who the fuck let that one slide? That's creepy as hell! '''Rafi: '''To a cheerleader the captain of the soccer team is it. Number one: no, I wasn't calling it soccer just because I'm an American, and that's what we call traditional football here. But more importantly, ''that creep show shouldn't be it to anyone!! '''Sandra: at Amelia Know what? I stand corrected: you are all awful people! Every single one of you! I mean, I hate characters who just exist to be love interests in general, but this is some of the sloppiest execution I've ever seen; on par with Twilight. I'm not kidding! Soccer Captain: 'Just a practice, but I'll play for you like it was the big game. Who the hell talks like this?! Even in this show's universe, no one talks like this! '''Cheerleader 1: '''Wow! He's never said that to me, or to Amelia. Oh yeah, the mean girl's interchangeable minions cliche. Yeah, I get it. This is supposed to be stylized like some teenage girl's manga fantasy. Number one. Number one: other girl here isn't supposed to be the main character interested in said manga. So that argument wouldn't make sense. And number 2: once again ''Twilight. '''Soccer Captain: '''Is someone in here? Dude, it's called knocking! What the hell is wrong with you?! I could only imagine what would happen if someone else was in that stall. Guy #2 is the only one established to know Mr. McCreepy's importance to the cheerleaders. Nerd-Guy is the one giving him the phone. He doesn't even know that Mr. McCreepy is interested in other girl. '''Amelia: '''Excellent pig imitation, Sandra. Like I said earlier, the only people who recorded other girl's embarrassing actions were her friends. I think. After all I've seen, it's hard to know if they're really friends or not. '''Cheerleader 2: '''The captain of the team is taking our new captain out. Yes! this really trying to tell me that being Captain of the Cheerleaders in this show means that you need to have the Soccer Captain romantically interested in you? When the fuck did other girl become cheer captain? Unless getting creepily hit on by soccer captain made you cheer captain was what did it, this, once again, makes absolutely no sense! '''Sandra: Rafi? screams Uh... If you'll excuse me, I need to think something out, and only the pleasures of alcohol can help me figure this one out. So guy acts creepy, hugs her, and practically threatens her, and girl decides she's going to fall in love, marry him, and have his kids. Or she wants to do it with the captain of the soccer team simply to get back at this one girl she doesn't like. Okay, so other girl was going to fall in love, marry, and have kids with this random dude she knew nothing about, in order to spite this one person she didn't like. What the fuck is wrong with these people?! Yeah, I'm going to say it again: you're awful too!! 'Sandra: '''Besides, I'm not pom-pom girl material. I'm going back to skateboarding where I belong! In any of the other episodes I've seen, I've never seen her skateboarding. I understand that they don't have the budget to animate skateboarding, but still, nice character development. Tell, don't show, right? '''Cheerleader 2: '''Sorry, we're in no mood to talk now. Life as we know it has just come to a screeching halt. What accent is that even-- '''Cheerleader 1: '''The leading captain's turning down dates to soccer team captains? What's next, disposable pom-poms? For the record, this show came out in 2011! Yeah, that's about the 7th time you used that same expression in 11 minutes! '''Sandra: '''That'll show pushy old Amelia! '''Liam: '''So you never wanted to be a cheerleader? '''Sandra: '''As if! I just like goofing on people. Okay, uh, what exactly was your plan here? You joined the cheerleaders to tear them apart and humiliate their leader, sure. But you didn't figure out how until you were already in! And humiliating yourself! You had no end goal, and you had no reason not to tell your friends about this. In fact, because you didn't, your plan almost fell through somehow. In fact, it ''did fall through, and that's how you succeeded. And I don't think that a soccer captain can just give his position to someone else. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?! THIS SHOW IS AWFUL!! It is one of the most incoherent messes of a show that I've ever seen! Planet Sheen makes more sense than this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rethink my life. Hopefully, this is the last review that I should make on my old computer. I think this episode is going to be the final nail in the coffin. Cheers. Category:Transcripts Category:Season 4